Once upon a time, way back in 2011, Kurt Metzger released an album that cracked me up. It was smart, well-written, and most importantly, very funny. How do you follow an album as good as that one? You release a CD like “White Precious,” where the first track is called “Get Ready For A Letdown!” to extinguish any raised expectations listeners may have going in. Fortunately, the title Metzger chose for this cut couldn’t be more off-the-mark as this time around he treats us to a project that is even better than the last.
The album begins with a great story about an embarrassing moment on stage when Metzger accidentally mis-identified the gender of a person in the audience. Twice. It’s the perfect kick-off to the project as Metzger smartly lowers the bar by (falsely) informing the audience the show they are about to see is going to be as much of a disappointment as the first time you saw the real Wendy in those fast-food chain commercials.
Harsh? Maybe. Funny? Absolutely. This is Metzger’s M.O. and he’s got it down perfectly. From his declaration that the loss of his iPad is more of a tragedy than the burning of a Quran to his super-transparent thoughts on whether or not you should visit Alaska (In a word: Don’t), Metzger doesn’t pull any punches and as a result, each one lands with solid laughter. His bit on the old-fashioned treatment for autism (dodge ball) is a classic example of funny-because-it’s-true and he doesn’t hide his stance against gay marriage under a bushel (If you don’t use your holes correctly it voids God’s warranty on your body, people. Come on!). Metzger may not be the most PC guy in the world but we didn’t show up to be PC we came here to laugh and we don’t walk away disappointed.
When it comes to focusing on specific tracks as highlights, Metzger has made it extremely difficult. Each one of them has a generous share of laugh-out-loud moments and as soon as I think of one (i.e. how the city of San Diego is carrying on Hitler’s unfinished work) another one that is just as good comes to mind (the most - and least - effective anti-smoking commercials). This isn’t just an hour and ten minutes of comedy, it’s an hour and ten minutes of great comedy.
There’s something on this album for everyone. If you’re interested in heady topics like the financial crisis, Metzger has a perfectly sensible Monopoly-themed explanation for you. If you tend more toward reality television, then allow Metzger to explain “Toddlers & Tiaras” to Canadians (Sorry your kids are so ugly). And when Metzger doesn’t have the answers, well, that’s OK too because thankfully Montel Williams and his life-changing book is here to save the day (And believe it or not, it really is available on Amazon for a penny. How can you not snatch this up?).
Metzger, the former Jehovah’s Witness preacher, is one of the funniest comedians working today and when his comedy comes knocking, I highly suggest you come out from hiding behind the couch and open the door.